Monday, April 21, 2008

days with school.

These days it became really warm. Cherry blossom is gone now, and young leaves awake. In my planter, I found some little green buds. A sprout makes me happy.
Now my school started, and I met new people (but they aren't from my school though) who are really cool. I cannot believe that I've had 3 parties in April!! That's too much,,,it's about time to study.
I really feel one day is too short to do something. I was preparing for my thesis today, and staying at the library all day, but I could do just a little.
I'll have a interview for my scholarship the day after tomorrow. I'm not sure if I can get it, but I go abroad next year anyway. I'll manage it somehow,,,

I've been having kind of weird feeling so far,,,since last summer vacation. People says I changed a bit, and I think I changed a lot!
I don't know why, but my surrounding became more astir, the relationship. Before my staying in Spain, my relationship was tranquil (and still tranquil in the school). I had a argue with a friend, which tires me a lot,,,it was kind of a dispute, because we are a bit emotional. I rarely get angry, so the stirring up thing is tiresome. I don't know what's going on, but some people came closer. I know it's welcome thing,,, but sometimes they came too closer. It's "Hedgehog's Dilemma", I think there is good distance between people. I like people basically, because I'm so weak to being lonely, I'm not strong mentally always.
"Birds of a feather flock together", so it's been tranquil so far around me, but that friend might not be "a feather", or if he didn't have special expectation to me, it could be different. Once the relationship have to do with deep emotional thing, it's too much for me! I cannot deal with this,,,I don't want to hurt somebody, but sometimes there is no way to avoid. And it's really critical. After this experience, I found that there are some people whom I cannot to be together deeply, and not every people can turn back before the issue.
I was thinking if people talk, they will understand, but it was not really. Maybe I've been lucky that my surrounding has been consisted of cool people who never reject communication. There are many people in the world, so it's an experience for the next. I gotta learn some more.

Days at school are tranquil. I study at library as like before, I talk with school friends as like before. Since my school is an art school, most of my friends are artists or historians. It's literally "Birds of a feather flock together.", it's cozy but a special circumstances, I know.
I like people who have something inside, and are independent mentally. Some people say I insist own opinion too much, and maybe yes, as a Japanese I talk too honestly and directly. I'm sorry if it bothers others, but I'm not good at guessing others mind and flattering like others. I'd like to know what they think, and to let them know what I think, moreover I cannot say what I don't think. My good friends are somehow same as me, or in other word, we became good friends because of this character. We are independent but together because we stimulate, comfort each other and know the distance.
,,,,this kind of cool relationship was all of mine before. But now I know another hot world, which is sometimes bad, sometimes great. I still feel awkward with this, I hope I'll be accustomed to deal with this.

Anyway what I need to do principally is studying. I have a private Spanish class tomorrow. I gotta go to bed!

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