the reason why I want to go to India.

when there is nothing to do, people think back in the past, as like I did this morning.
I don't know why I recalled this, maybe the ending summer air and saw many old friends. and maybe Haruki Murakami's novel.
I think that in normal days we don't encounter so much death even each moment people die. The death is calmly hidden from our lives. In that life, we feel the death is not in same world. It's away from us.
I've met the death, however, twice in two years. One is of my good friend, another is of my grandmother.
My friend was a friend from high school, spend 3 years in same class, shared many experiences. We separated when we got into University, but traveled together and kept in touch. But one day she killed herself. Just 2 weeks before that, I got a mail from her, and in that message she was saying that she was coming to my town to see me. She sounded really good, I actually knew she wasn't stable mentally sometimes, so I was happy to hear her released from depression. Then, I got call from other friend 2 weeks later.
I was really confused, couldn't understand. I couldn't imagine the death, and how I would react for that. When I saw her at her funeral, I just felt disconnect.
She was in front of me, but it was not her. ,,,yes, I felt "it", she seemed a thing. I was confused. It was actually her, but, she wasn't real. She existed in same world but it was just a figure. What I really felt odd was the gap between the life and the death. We didn't have a connection never more.
Then I realised that the death is hidden in our world, quietly. We live without being aware of death. But why? Her body was sharing the space at the funeral, but we were disconnected. What is death?
One year after, my grandmother passed away. She was old, and had a cancer, so everybody was convinced about her death. Seeing her getting weaker and weaker everyday at a hospital, I felt that now the life and the death were connecting. I felt death can be seen as relative thing, not definite thing. When she passed away, but still I felt something fail in my heart.
A hospital is really special place. There, death is daily thing. The life and the death exist in same time without any question. The people working there seem not to have any problem with that. I was surprised that people can be accustomed with death. But still, it's not in daily life.

Few days later, I found a photograph collection about India, the river Ganges . In those pictures, people live next to a dead as daily life. It seemed that there were nothing wrong for them.
I want to be that place and feel the atmosphere mixing the life and the death in daily life. I want to be convinced about life and death are connected, they are on a same line without any gap.
That's why I want to go to India.

now, I need to get started.

It's getting cooler these days in Japan. I hear the sound of fall.
So far, I've had good summer vacation. I had many events, BBQ, playing tennis, swimming in the sea, a reunion of my relatives, and a journey with my VIP. My parents were a bit panicked because I brought my boyfriend from foreign country. Actually it's really rare to do this because in Japan usually a couple introduce their family after decision of marriage or engagement. Nowadays it's not so definite thing, but still reminds the atmosphere. Anyways I did say to them that it's not like that at all, just invited him home and wanted to show my family, mu background. The meeting was a kind of encountering with unknown world! My dad was a bit perplexed, my mom was less active, my brother was at loss. I really liked it though.
The journey was great, we went to Tokyo, Kyoto, Kanazawa, and Nagoya. This time, I really appreciated for my study about Japanese culture. It seemed that I could explain about our culture a bit, and find many new things in it with my boyfriend. It's really interesting to be with a person who has different background, then share the experiences and the opinions. Even better if we feel affection and respect each other. We talked a lot, had some trouble in the same time, and learned a lot, I believe.
For sure after the journey, there is no doubt for my feeling lonely. So I had asked to my friends to be with before, and they really cared about me. We can sympathize and encourage each other. I'm really grateful for my great luck to have those great friends around me.
It might be my last summer in Japan, and I'm really happy to be able to have this precious summer.

Now I just came back from the journey. Then this is the end of the free vacation, even I have one more month break, but the start of studying vacation. I need to get ready for the exhibition and the thesis. It's started, I gotta take a step forward!

my the first and maybe the last exhibition.

I'm going to have an exhibition of Wajima lacquerwares.
I've been reserching Osaki Lacquerware store in Wajima since my graduation thesis. In this time, I organize the exhibition of their old sample lacquerwares.
卒業論文でお世話になった、輪島の大崎漆器店の秘蔵、見本椀を展示します。
大崎漆器店 Osaki lacquerware store　http://www.osakisyoemon.jp/

There will be the samples of lacquerd bowls design from Taisho(1911~1925) to Showa(1925~1989) period. They are valuable material for the history of the Wajima Lacquerware. The earthquake last year waked them up from the old storhouse.
These tablewares are a little different from typical "Wajimanuri". The skill and ingenuity of the artisans who have made the history of the Wajima Laqcuerware are integrated in these a bit old tablewares. I introduce these beautiful laqcuerwares.
今回展示する見本椀は、大正末から昭和にかけての、漆のお椀のデザイン見本、輪島の貴重な資料です。ずっと蔵の中で眠っていたのが、地震で揺り起こされました。
これらのうつわは現在の「輪島塗」とはちょっとイメージがちがいます。輪島漆器の歴史をつくってきた職人さんたちの、技と工夫がつまった、ちょっとむかしのうつわたちをご紹介します。

『大崎漆器店の見本椀-ちょっとむかしのうつわたち-』
期間 ：９月１２日(金)～１６日(火) AM９～PM５(最終日 ～PM３)
Term: 12th to 16th september 9 am.~5 pm. (the last day untill 3 pm.)
場所：広坂休憩館(石川県立美術館に隣接)
Place: Hieosaka-Kyukeikan (next to the art gallery of Ishikawa)
　　　　　http://www.cg-kanazawa.com/kanko/m2006.html　
　　　Map　http://www.cg-kanazawa.com/map/map02.pdf

展示期間が短いので、なかなか難しいかもしれませんが、どうぞ足を運んでください。
I'll be glad if you visit this little exhibition. thank you.

one assureance

A school located in London give me a permission of the entrance. I got one place to go after graduation, and that is the one I eager to go.
This school name is London College of Education, Graduate school. and I'm supposed to take a course of Japanese Language Teaching, so after 2 years I'll be a Japanese teacher, hopefully,,,
Of course, I have some anxiety about this, but I have only way "just do it". Moreover, I don't know why though, I feel I 'll be ok there.

15 May

I found it's a just middle day of May...really time flies.
Of course I go to school everyday and study at the library for 3 or 4 hours, but I just can make few result. The good fruit doesn't ripe easily,,,I know. Yet, I'm impatient, too eager for the result!
It's disadvantage for the life. I should know better,,,

I'll have been busy this month. Almost all weekend I have something to do, which is appropriate for a student.
This weekend I'm supposed to go to Nagya for taking a test and a lecture. these would be some essentials for my career. And the next one is to be long school holiday, so I go to Tokyo to visit some exhibitions and friends. It's reallg good to have some friends who let me stay every where in the world, I'm grateful for this profoundly. The last weekend of May, I have to take an interview test. I'm really nervous with this,,,,
In June, I already have some promisses with my friends. I've never been such popular so far! it's weird,,,haha.

I'm planing to hold an exhibition in September. It will be of old Wajima lacquer wear bowls. Since the earthquake hit there, many old lacquer wears were found from dameged wearhouses. I plan this exhibition for preventing them from being scattered. I believe they are important proof of artisans' history in Wajima.
Preparation should get started from now. I hope it'll be good one and many people will see it, because I believe they are beautiful human works which have significance.

stirring up

that's not fair,
even I know there is nothing to do.
it's too far.
I cannot touch, feel nor hear.
maybe I take it heavily more than I should do.
but with this situation how can I endure.


it'd be certain, if I were there,
or,
it'd not happen, if I weren't there.

that's completely unfair.
and I know there is nothing to do.
it's too late.
because now my desire goes so far.
and somewhere I'm surprised myself being able to do.
but same time I'm afraid so much of the future.

I cannot give him up after all,
notwithstanding my fear.
although it seems absolutly impossible,
the way going is unpredictable.
the life is like walking blindly, supposing the world.
now then, why don't we take the imaginally reality as a pleasure?

so called "Golden week"

The long holidays have been over,,,it's called "Golden week". We had 4 days off from school and work. It started from 3rd Saturday ended on 6th Tuesday, today. What have I done during this vacation,,,is just having fun with my friends.
The first day, I joined a BBQ being held by one of English conversation club member during daytime, then at night we went out for drinking. At the bar, I met an old friend from Vancouver staying whom I hadn't met years,,,what a coincidence! My city is so small that everyone knows each other, strong connection.
The second day, 4th, I went to a kite festival near my town with my friend and her family. In this festival, there is an extra event inviting a popular singer. We wanted to see him. His name is Jero, black guy who sings Enka which is a local Japanese song genre. He became popular these days so he's on currant topic. We enjoyed the festival a lot, because the show was fun, moreover the sports kite demonstration was fabulous! It was like moving with their will. So cool!
I didn't do anything on 5th besides cleaning my room.
And today, 6th, I played tennis with my friends from English club member. Not having been lectured in any class, so I'm not a good tennis player, but somehow I like tennis. We played it for 2 hours, so fun but exhausted,,,I felt profoundly that I'm not teenager anymore.
Now I switch systems holiday one to daily one. I gotta do many things for my futher way.

Kyoto

I went to Kyoto today. I sometimes go there for exhibitions, and it's not so far. It takes 2 hours and half by train.
This time, it was for an exhibition of "Kyosai". This artist was active during end of Edo to Meiji period, middle to end 19th century. He is better known abroad, because he had an English disciple, an architect Josiah Conder, and there is a big collection in Europe, such as Guimet Museum or British Museum.
His works are fabulous. His drawing technique is outstanding and he studied about classic Japanese art and modern European art. He was cultured man and formed a friendship with foreign people. In his works they are filled with humor and sarcasm with wit, not only beautiful but same time so cool! I even feel his personality. I think he was a man who don't see people with a label. He could face to a foreigner not as "a foreigner" but "a person", that's the reason why Guimet or Conder liked him.
19th century is the period that Japan opened a country to foreign intercourse, which is very interesting period, therefore society, culture and people all were in agitation.
What makes me excited when I meet art works is that I can feel people from them. Although it's made in far from now, I feel touching people who made it. Today, I certainly felt Kyosai who lived through the modern Japan, Meiji period.

After visiting the exhibition, I was wandering around in Kyoto city. Kyoto is located in a basin, so it's really hot in summer (even summer in Japan is deadly hot, it's more.), and very cold in winter. However, in this season, it's really calm and the city is charming after all. The long history gives significance to Kyoto, I suppose.

recommendation

Now I got a letter of recommendation for a scholarship.
It must be really grateful thing,,,but this is a little heavy. I need to pass other test and interview, moreover a high score of TOEFL is required. I'm not sufficient for that now.
I'm stressed a little, and afraid of if I fail,,, Every time I face to the situation I'd be evaluated, I get so nervous. I think I'm really afraid of disappoint or being disappointed. I hate how I'm weak mentally.
However, I need to get over this, at least deal with this better, since I cannot avoid this kind of situation which appears many times in my life. I should not escape from this fear,,,
The only thing I can do now is studying English for the test. And keep going on normal student life.

Spring has come, and everything is moving. There is a party today for freshmen who start their new step for their future in our college.
I gotta make an action for my future also.

days with school.

These days it became really warm. Cherry blossom is gone now, and young leaves awake. In my planter, I found some little green buds. A sprout makes me happy.
Now my school started, and I met new people (but they aren't from my school though) who are really cool. I cannot believe that I've had 3 parties in April!! That's too much,,,it's about time to study.
I really feel one day is too short to do something. I was preparing for my thesis today, and staying at the library all day, but I could do just a little.
I'll have a interview for my scholarship the day after tomorrow. I'm not sure if I can get it, but I go abroad next year anyway. I'll manage it somehow,,,

I've been having kind of weird feeling so far,,,since last summer vacation. People says I changed a bit, and I think I changed a lot!
I don't know why, but my surrounding became more astir, the relationship. Before my staying in Spain, my relationship was tranquil (and still tranquil in the school). I had a argue with a friend, which tires me a lot,,,it was kind of a dispute, because we are a bit emotional. I rarely get angry, so the stirring up thing is tiresome. I don't know what's going on, but some people came closer. I know it's welcome thing,,, but sometimes they came too closer. It's "Hedgehog's Dilemma", I think there is good distance between people. I like people basically, because I'm so weak to being lonely, I'm not strong mentally always.
"Birds of a feather flock together", so it's been tranquil so far around me, but that friend might not be "a feather", or if he didn't have special expectation to me, it could be different. Once the relationship have to do with deep emotional thing, it's too much for me! I cannot deal with this,,,I don't want to hurt somebody, but sometimes there is no way to avoid. And it's really critical. After this experience, I found that there are some people whom I cannot to be together deeply, and not every people can turn back before the issue.
I was thinking if people talk, they will understand, but it was not really. Maybe I've been lucky that my surrounding has been consisted of cool people who never reject communication. There are many people in the world, so it's an experience for the next. I gotta learn some more.

Days at school are tranquil. I study at library as like before, I talk with school friends as like before. Since my school is an art school, most of my friends are artists or historians. It's literally "Birds of a feather flock together.", it's cozy but a special circumstances, I know.
I like people who have something inside, and are independent mentally. Some people say I insist own opinion too much, and maybe yes, as a Japanese I talk too honestly and directly. I'm sorry if it bothers others, but I'm not good at guessing others mind and flattering like others. I'd like to know what they think, and to let them know what I think, moreover I cannot say what I don't think. My good friends are somehow same as me, or in other word, we became good friends because of this character. We are independent but together because we stimulate, comfort each other and know the distance.
,,,,this kind of cool relationship was all of mine before. But now I know another hot world, which is sometimes bad, sometimes great. I still feel awkward with this, I hope I'll be accustomed to deal with this.

Anyway what I need to do principally is studying. I have a private Spanish class tomorrow. I gotta go to bed!

days with parents.

Now I'm in my home town where near Nagoya, central part and Pacific sea side of Japan.
It's been 3 days since I came back. It's warmer than where I live now, Kanazawa, therefore almost all cherry blossoms are blooming fully.
I think especially in spring time Japan is more beautiful than usual. The climate is the best in this season, and flower is everywhere. Even I prefer autumn, whenever spring come I'm excited.
It's said that Japanese people are obsessed with cherry blossoms, but if you see them, you'll understand. They have mysterious charm.
Cherry blossom blooms just for one week. Then when it's falling petals, it's like whitey pink storming. and during the nights, cherry blossoms are sometimes lighted up and they seem even sexy. being hold by darkness they show deeper colour with a lamp.
There is a rumor which says "Actually a cherry blossom's flower is white. but it seems pink, do you know why? under a cherry blossom there is a corpse, and they absorb blood from them."
it's a bit spooky though attractive. It sounds "femme fatal". And Japanese people are obsessed with these women and have a parties under them, for admiring their beauty.
Moreover, I'm gonna admire their beauty on next Sunday. It's actually an excuse for drinking anyway, but it's good day!

love affair

I hear some love issues thesedays from friends. I don't know why they come in one time though, it's kind of rush hour?? Maybe because of the season, spring,,,,

One of the stoｒies is from an artist, my female friend. Her boyfriend is an artist also, and he is being popular as a young artist now. Meanwhile my friend is a talented girl who has deserved some prizes so far.
They love each other a lot, but they cannot keep going on their relationship. Becasue they're into Art so much, they are not able to deal both things.
Once they broke up and weren't in toutch for a year. But they met in the boy's graduation exhibition. Being awkward, they talked and spent some time together surrounded with their friends. They know they're still in love each other, but not knowing what to do.
According to my friend, she relys on him when she is in tension from her work. Well, it's not a cuddle, but a dispute. And it's same about him.
It's difficult and pity.
They admit their works each other, and are jealous each other. They love each other and hurt each other. Their timings don't match well when they're serious to their works, and they cannot abandon their life works.

I said to her "let it be now, because it's important time for you. you should be cncentrate on yourself. The time goes, the situation changes. we'll see."
I'm not sure it cause a good after, but I'm sure that there is nothing to do now.
The love relationship is such a deeply hard thing as much as they are serious to their live.

days in Japan

it's still a bit cold today . we say "three days cold, four days warm." in this season. actually, it was sunny and warm yesterday.
I knew it'd be not good thing to do but I took a branch of cherry blossom. it's in the entrance of my room, blooming now.
I feel spring coming when I smell the earth. maybe it's because where I grew up is countryside and there are many rice fields. The beging of the spring is the plowing period. By the time, I've been away from my home town but still my body knows it, even I've been putting new experiences upon it.

I think I'm consisted of those experiences which I've had so far. and I'll be consisted of the experiences in the future, which are with everything surroundings, such as people, place or time.
I'm quite skeptical for "an indivisual", since I think existance is relative with circumstances. It depends on the relationship with I and others, and I change by the time. This is natural "existance".
According to the book I'm reading, the time is the progressive, only. it says the past is a recollection, the future is a supposition or an intention, and there is no "point time" but "width time".
if so, our existances are like flowing water.
doesn't it sound cool? I like it.
A scientist said "a human body is a gas if we see it in a long time span. we eat and metabolize everyday, every moment. in 20 years, there is no nutrition same as before in our cells."
Mentally and physcally, people are in the melting pot!
Actually it's a little disgusting picture if I imagine it though,,,that's significant.

well, anyway it's spring soon!
and it's a party season in Japan, because a school or a companey starts new term from Spring. We'll have freshmans and a welcome party, and new relationship and circumstance!

I'm just back from trip in France.
I was in a big trouble the first days, but with many hands, I'm here in safe. I write some about my journey.
The very second day, I was robbed all my cash at the hostel. Big trouble. So I contacted with a japanese friend in Paris and begged her help and e-mailed to parents to send money. Accidentaly as the hostel roommates there were Japanese travellers who missed their plane to get back to Japan, they helped me a lot also. well, all of us were in trouble, so that they might feel sympathy. In many ways, Japanese people are really kind. It's really hard thing to lend money someone notwithstanding being in trouble themselves.
Anyway in 2 days, this problem was sloved. so I decided to have a short trip to Lyon since I was fed up with a big city such as Paris.I said good-bye to my Japanese roommates and other friends in the hostel, left to Lyon.
My aim in Lyon was the Palais ideal du facteur Cheval, which is a monument extraordinary made with 33 years by a postman. This one actually isn't in Lyon but in a small village 90km from Lyon, so going there by bus.
On the first day in Lyon, which was Friday, I encountered 2 japanese boys who seemed to be in trouble at the hostel's reception. As I lined behind of them, I helped a little. the matter was that there wasn't any bed for boys for that night. I couldn't help them a lot becasue I couldn't make them girls,,,anyway they gave up to stay that hostel and went to find an other.
After my secureing a bed, I was wandering around in Lyon city. then I came across the boys! fortunately they could find a place to stay. They were on graduation journey. As we say "sode huriaumo tasyo-no en", which means "Even a chance meetingis due to the fate of a previous life.", so we had a meal together.
One of them intended to be a shef, so he chose a restaurant and explained all of the menu, so I could have really good food there. It's always good to have (skillful) friends. I like this kind of eventually encountering.
There is one more eventually thing in Lyon. The next day I went to the village to see the monument. It was Saturday, which slipped out from my mind. Anyway I got a train in the morning 6:30 and could catch the bus going to the village. Since I don't understand French well, the bus driver said something about returning, I didn't understand really but I thought he said the next bus to the train station was 9:50a.m. and it was 8:30 then. The institution opens at 9:30, but kindly a lady opened it a bit earlier. It was awesome! It's worth to see once. wierd and crazy but cool! I took many pictures,,,enjoyed it. Then I found it was about time to catch the bus, so I left the place. But guess what, I just missed the bus! it was passing in front of me, it was just 9:50. Well, at that time, I thought there were other buses. then I checked out the timetable,,,,and found the bus just left was the last bus on Saturday, ****** European business!
I ran into the information center and asked how I could get the station. The reception girl said that the one official way was a taxi, but I couldn't afford it, 50! So I tried to find a person who went to the station.
I'm sure I was lucky, there was a lady who was supposed to go there.
She is a wife of the cafe master and that master speakes English. In France, not many people speak English,,, so it's lucky again. I explained the situation I was in and ask for help. because the cafe seemed to the point for villagers, I thought there might be someone. Then there was!
She took me to the station and I could get back to Lyon. People are kind in countryside.
I was planing to travel around in France, but I was supposed to move to my friend's house in Paris soon, so I gave it up and got back to Paris the next day.

It's it a little adventure, isn't it?

In Paris, I met French students of Japanese language on the very early day in Paris, They were eventually with my friend .
They speake Japanese well. According to one of them, he was Otaku but not now. what I felt funny at our conversation, as I said it was the first time to visit Paris and France, he said "ah, onobori-san", it means "visitor from the country"! that was cool,,,,, perfect Japanese usage!
One more funny thing, my japanese friend in Paris sayes "I don't like French people but I like French culture." she has been here much longer than me, so she knows better.
I don't know exactly how the French people, but there are so many different people in France so as in Japan. Some malicious people, some kind people. Especially in Paris, all most all people are from other countries. it's not like Japan, but this makes the French culture colerful. I hear so many languages here in Paris. Spanish, English, German, Japanese, Chinese,,, etc.
My point is, no matter which country you are in, you're you. Just behave yourself, and open your mind to people. we're just human beings.

at the first writing

I'll write what I do in the daily life.
things happened, what I think, feel or about myself.
I'm not good at English writing, but I'll try.
put up some photos also.
this is about a piece of my life.