It is already summer. It has been great, so far this summer.
Now I am a Japanese language teacher, officially, which is good.
Now I am supposed to study in SOAS, therefore I will be staying for another year in London. There is an official place for me, which is great.
I should be really happy and full of hope.
To be honest, I'm hesitating. The hesitation is to make a progress in the study and the relationship. Just I am afraid of the future, instead desiring it.
Actually I know how I should get over this instability.
Go for what I wanted to do, with all my ability. Earn money to support myself and live oneself would give me more confident.
I know I am afraid of nothing concrete. I am just looking back some sweet cuddling places I had and dreaming what I could possibly have.
Or, I am imagining forward some other possibilities that I could have if I would not chose this way.
And I know it would make nothing better.
But it is just dragging me into such a tender imaginary world and it does not let me go.
What if, What if, What if?
It is too early to decide the direction? Am I convinced with this truly? Or, am I ready for taking this responsibility?
Am I grounded?
Little more time is needed, for not regretting nor putting blame on someone.
And then I am off to Mexico.
