Friday, March 26, 2010

the new season

The season is changing, and spring has come. It's the season of say hello and good-bye in Japan. I'm in London though.

I'll graduate from current school today. It flied away the one year here! I have seen many people, found many interesting things. I have got changed a lot including my surroundings.

I want to stay in London. There are more opportunities here for me. Besides my boyfriend, it would be better for me. I want to try something here, even I don't think it's the place for life after all. I want to live in many countries, see more things. It won't be too late if I go back to Japan afterwards. My parents agree with it as well.
The funny thing is that my family(female) think if I would be tired and couldn't make any result I could get marry to someone stable in Japan. It's quite surprising that they still think the marriage is for "woman is at home and men earns money" even my mum always insisted that women should have financial power by herself and be independent.

And one more thing which tires me is that their ignorance for "non-Japanese". They still say they would introduce me a good guy(of course Japanese) for me even they know I have a non-Japanese boyfriend. It always confuses me and him. I guess they know but don't understand and cannot imagine how we are doing or going to do. It always gives me disgust feeling anyhow. But same time my mum says that if I got pregnant, I should give a birth and they will bring up. I know it is just an Imaginary Baby. They just want MY baby but they don't seem to imagine in real. Also I get hurt when he is disappointed in my family. Because I love and respect them anyway.

It is an unstable period for me and him. I'm applying MA courses in London and he is applying for MA course somewhere France or Belgium. If I could not have any place of offer, I have to go back to Japan. It is really about official permission. For me, it won't be too bad if I go back to Japan. There is a school and jobs which I can do.
But if I got back to Japan, what could he do? Even he said that he could come to Japan, though it is not realistic. His life in Japan? What he could find out there even he is not interested in Japanese culture? While I am interested in Japanese culture still, and I'm here now in London because there are many opportunities for it. And I don't think London will be my last place of my life.

Now I don't see many possibilities our ways crossing in the future if we go on the ways. I want to live many countries, such as Mexico. I can survive as a language teacher. I have planed many things in my life, but now I have him. He is a bran new element and important enough in my life now.

One of my flatmates asked me if there is possibility that I would love someone else in the future besides him. But how could I know it? Maybe yes, maybe not. But if I love someone thinking "the after him" is a bit sad. I'd rather face the thing I have in the moment.
So then I should wait and see how it will be, The circumstance and our hearts in the metabolising period.

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