before going to London

I just have 5 days before leaving Japan to UK. weirdly I don't feel it's a something special. maybe because I've traveled a lot, knowing moving is not that big deal, if I go to an airport and take a plane I'll be there in few hours. it'll be fine.
but my next studying field is language education, which I've never studied, so it's a bit challenge for me. I don't know how much I can do, but just try my best and believe myself.
before going to London I traveled to Korea and in Japan, Kyushu. Nagasaki, Saga(Arita, Imari,Karatsu), Fukuoka, Korea, Oita(Beppu), Kyoto. traveling makes me refreshed as always. I could meet many interesting things and people.
In Nagasaki, I had 3 nights and 4 days.I checked some 19th-early 20th century architectures. I found they are pretty houses mixture of Western and Japanese style. Nagasaki is quite famous for having been one of few doors opened to western culture during Japanese isolation period. so there had effect from Europe since early time. the atmosphere is a bit exotic than other cities and there are many steep uphill and downhill. Of course it faces to the sea, but they don't have good sea food, but some sweets came from Portugal.
In Saga, I visited some kilns. it was interesting to see how they manage their business now. Luckily I could talked with a potter. we talked a lot about the situation of current Japanese ceramicist, moreover traditional craft. I'm convinced that what I studied was right.
In Fukuoka, a friend who met in Nagasaki came to see me again, and we went to a shrine Dazaifu and had really fun. Since I'm into Salsa dance these days, I asked friends in my hostel to go to an event. they even have never tried Salsa dance before but they liked a lot, and we swear to practice Salsa dance and dance together someday together.
shamefully it was the first time to visit Korea even it's the closest country to Japan. I stayed in Seoul for 3 nights, but actually I just had less than 3 days since I arrived in Busan by a ferry, and Busan to Seoul takes 3 hours by an express train. I hanged around with my friends from Netherlands, one of them has a girlfriend in Korea. He was a guide of me and others. Everything is cheap as I heard, however I didn't buy anything but meal because my back-pack wasn't big enough for any souvenir. I didn't get anything but I left my umbrella there though.
after that I visited Beppu where I had been twice. There are nothing but Onsen. Since I'd been there before for long, the hostel stuff remembered me. She took me to an opening party of an artist near to Beppu. It was exciting experience. I could see how the art scene expand through people to people. Again I could talked with a crafts artist, she liked me as I talked about my study so far pointing out some problems and ideas of the way expand Japanese crafts to the world. I spend meaningful time there.
In the evening and the day after I saw my friend who is studying in Beppu. We discussed about love relationship. I couldn't agree with his idea for current relationship. He leaves Japan on August, and he has a girlfriend in Japan. He says he's gonna break up with her as they are apart and even they came to agreement with this contract. I thought it's weird. According to him, the time spend together would worth it even they will have gotten hurt by the time of apart. I guess maybe it will, but what's the point to be couple? they could have good time just being friends. I cannot understand why he confessed to the girl knowing to hurt her in the end, and himself. Who can be in love knowing the end will come soon? Ok, if they're having fun, it doesn't matter. but then how he can restrain her, or they could be faithful? moreover Love is not controllable, that why it's hart but brain. of course it's better not to make a promise in the future, it's just cruel, but putting the date of end is not the best thing for a love relationship. I don't think if they could be fine soon afterwards, it wasn't love. therefore it sounds just having fun. However they are not that kind of people, especially the girl. He says she understands this relationship, but actually she doesn't. In Kyoto, I saw her and had a chatting about this. Of course she loves him but doesn't agree with this "love contract". Both of us doubt if he will be able to say good-bye without pain. The great thing is that she said she's gonna try to make him to be in love with her to get hurt or not to be able to say good-bye when they apart. She is a cool girl!
In Kyoto I run into my friend being with her boyfriend from US. It was a coincident but I was really glad to see them together. they've been apart so far and just talked on the internet. I want to see my friend's happy face.
Now I'm at parents place preparing for London. Wish everything goes well. Even if it doesn't, I'll make it does as much as possible. It's spring time, everything starts.

the reason why I want to go to India.

when there is nothing to do, people think back in the past, as like I did this morning.
I don't know why I recalled this, maybe the ending summer air and saw many old friends. and maybe Haruki Murakami's novel.
I think that in normal days we don't encounter so much death even each moment people die. The death is calmly hidden from our lives. In that life, we feel the death is not in same world. It's away from us.
I've met the death, however, twice in two years. One is of my good friend, another is of my grandmother.
My friend was a friend from high school, spend 3 years in same class, shared many experiences. We separated when we got into University, but traveled together and kept in touch. But one day she killed herself. Just 2 weeks before that, I got a mail from her, and in that message she was saying that she was coming to my town to see me. She sounded really good, I actually knew she wasn't stable mentally sometimes, so I was happy to hear her released from depression. Then, I got call from other friend 2 weeks later.
I was really confused, couldn't understand. I couldn't imagine the death, and how I would react for that. When I saw her at her funeral, I just felt disconnect.
She was in front of me, but it was not her. ,,,yes, I felt "it", she seemed a thing. I was confused. It was actually her, but, she wasn't real. She existed in same world but it was just a figure. What I really felt odd was the gap between the life and the death. We didn't have a connection never more.
Then I realised that the death is hidden in our world, quietly. We live without being aware of death. But why? Her body was sharing the space at the funeral, but we were disconnected. What is death?
One year after, my grandmother passed away. She was old, and had a cancer, so everybody was convinced about her death. Seeing her getting weaker and weaker everyday at a hospital, I felt that now the life and the death were connecting. I felt death can be seen as relative thing, not definite thing. When she passed away, but still I felt something fail in my heart.
A hospital is really special place. There, death is daily thing. The life and the death exist in same time without any question. The people working there seem not to have any problem with that. I was surprised that people can be accustomed with death. But still, it's not in daily life.

Few days later, I found a photograph collection about India, the river Ganges . In those pictures, people live next to a dead as daily life. It seemed that there were nothing wrong for them.
I want to be that place and feel the atmosphere mixing the life and the death in daily life. I want to be convinced about life and death are connected, they are on a same line without any gap.
That's why I want to go to India.

now, I need to get started.

It's getting cooler these days in Japan. I hear the sound of fall.
So far, I've had good summer vacation. I had many events, BBQ, playing tennis, swimming in the sea, a reunion of my relatives, and a journey with my VIP. My parents were a bit panicked because I brought my boyfriend from foreign country. Actually it's really rare to do this because in Japan usually a couple introduce their family after decision of marriage or engagement. Nowadays it's not so definite thing, but still reminds the atmosphere. Anyways I did say to them that it's not like that at all, just invited him home and wanted to show my family, mu background. The meeting was a kind of encountering with unknown world! My dad was a bit perplexed, my mom was less active, my brother was at loss. I really liked it though.
The journey was great, we went to Tokyo, Kyoto, Kanazawa, and Nagoya. This time, I really appreciated for my study about Japanese culture. It seemed that I could explain about our culture a bit, and find many new things in it with my boyfriend. It's really interesting to be with a person who has different background, then share the experiences and the opinions. Even better if we feel affection and respect each other. We talked a lot, had some trouble in the same time, and learned a lot, I believe.
For sure after the journey, there is no doubt for my feeling lonely. So I had asked to my friends to be with before, and they really cared about me. We can sympathize and encourage each other. I'm really grateful for my great luck to have those great friends around me.
It might be my last summer in Japan, and I'm really happy to be able to have this precious summer.

Now I just came back from the journey. Then this is the end of the free vacation, even I have one more month break, but the start of studying vacation. I need to get ready for the exhibition and the thesis. It's started, I gotta take a step forward!

my the first and maybe the last exhibition.

I'm going to have an exhibition of Wajima lacquerwares.
I've been reserching Osaki Lacquerware store in Wajima since my graduation thesis. In this time, I organize the exhibition of their old sample lacquerwares.
卒業論文でお世話になった、輪島の大崎漆器店の秘蔵、見本椀を展示します。
大崎漆器店 Osaki lacquerware store　http://www.osakisyoemon.jp/

There will be the samples of lacquerd bowls design from Taisho(1911~1925) to Showa(1925~1989) period. They are valuable material for the history of the Wajima Lacquerware. The earthquake last year waked them up from the old storhouse.
These tablewares are a little different from typical "Wajimanuri". The skill and ingenuity of the artisans who have made the history of the Wajima Laqcuerware are integrated in these a bit old tablewares. I introduce these beautiful laqcuerwares.
今回展示する見本椀は、大正末から昭和にかけての、漆のお椀のデザイン見本、輪島の貴重な資料です。ずっと蔵の中で眠っていたのが、地震で揺り起こされました。
これらのうつわは現在の「輪島塗」とはちょっとイメージがちがいます。輪島漆器の歴史をつくってきた職人さんたちの、技と工夫がつまった、ちょっとむかしのうつわたちをご紹介します。

『大崎漆器店の見本椀-ちょっとむかしのうつわたち-』
期間 ：９月１２日(金)～１６日(火) AM９～PM５(最終日 ～PM３)
Term: 12th to 16th september 9 am.~5 pm. (the last day untill 3 pm.)
場所：広坂休憩館(石川県立美術館に隣接)
Place: Hieosaka-Kyukeikan (next to the art gallery of Ishikawa)
　　　　　http://www.cg-kanazawa.com/kanko/m2006.html　
　　　Map　http://www.cg-kanazawa.com/map/map02.pdf

展示期間が短いので、なかなか難しいかもしれませんが、どうぞ足を運んでください。
I'll be glad if you visit this little exhibition. thank you.

one assureance

A school located in London give me a permission of the entrance. I got one place to go after graduation, and that is the one I eager to go.
This school name is London College of Education, Graduate school. and I'm supposed to take a course of Japanese Language Teaching, so after 2 years I'll be a Japanese teacher, hopefully,,,
Of course, I have some anxiety about this, but I have only way "just do it". Moreover, I don't know why though, I feel I 'll be ok there.

15 May

I found it's a just middle day of May...really time flies.
Of course I go to school everyday and study at the library for 3 or 4 hours, but I just can make few result. The good fruit doesn't ripe easily,,,I know. Yet, I'm impatient, too eager for the result!
It's disadvantage for the life. I should know better,,,

I'll have been busy this month. Almost all weekend I have something to do, which is appropriate for a student.
This weekend I'm supposed to go to Nagya for taking a test and a lecture. these would be some essentials for my career. And the next one is to be long school holiday, so I go to Tokyo to visit some exhibitions and friends. It's reallg good to have some friends who let me stay every where in the world, I'm grateful for this profoundly. The last weekend of May, I have to take an interview test. I'm really nervous with this,,,,
In June, I already have some promisses with my friends. I've never been such popular so far! it's weird,,,haha.

I'm planing to hold an exhibition in September. It will be of old Wajima lacquer wear bowls. Since the earthquake hit there, many old lacquer wears were found from dameged wearhouses. I plan this exhibition for preventing them from being scattered. I believe they are important proof of artisans' history in Wajima.
Preparation should get started from now. I hope it'll be good one and many people will see it, because I believe they are beautiful human works which have significance.

stirring up

that's not fair,
even I know there is nothing to do.
it's too far.
I cannot touch, feel nor hear.
maybe I take it heavily more than I should do.
but with this situation how can I endure.


it'd be certain, if I were there,
or,
it'd not happen, if I weren't there.

that's completely unfair.
and I know there is nothing to do.
it's too late.
because now my desire goes so far.
and somewhere I'm surprised myself being able to do.
but same time I'm afraid so much of the future.

I cannot give him up after all,
notwithstanding my fear.
although it seems absolutly impossible,
the way going is unpredictable.
the life is like walking blindly, supposing the world.
now then, why don't we take the imaginally reality as a pleasure?